I haven’t posted in a while. But I was triggered this morning, well this week was triggering, well this month. Well all this year…
Best way to trigger a restricting period is to tell a girl she has a big ass. It is rather unfortunate that my Irish DNA gives me smaller than average breasts, birthing hips, and a child rearing ass. I’m bottom heavy and it’s because years of evolution tells me that I’m meant to have seven children to help my husband grow potatoes and raise live stock. Basically my body is the product of thousands of years of evolutionary success that says I’m great breeding stock.
I lost seventeen pounds last month and I’ve been doing a pretty good job at maintaining my new weight. I’m still horribly uncomfortable with my body. I’ve set up a series of goals to achieve. I want to be thin. I don’t want an “Onion Booty.”
I’ve lost fifteen pounds in the last seventeen days through rather extreme restricting. Most days I’m consuming nothing but a single fit and active vitality bar (90 calories) and several cans/glasses of diet soda and cups of coffee/tea. Or there’s the alternative day which again is several cans/glasses of diet soda and a plethora of coffee/tea and a single BelVita cracker (1/4 package 60 calories.)
I’ve been feeling the urge to binge lately; and yes the urge is rather extreme at times and yes sometimes I do give in but I go back to restricting.
My binge trigger is spending the weekend with my boyfriend. I associate him with being comfortable with food and mindless eating.
The days of the week I am not with him, however, are the days where my weight drops significantly (1/2 a pound to a pound a day.) I think that I should invest in key tone test strips. I honestly think that losing a pound a day is dangerously fast even with such extreme restriction.
True meditation is letting go of manipulating our experience.
There is no war on drugs because you cannot have a war against inanimate objects. There is only war on drug addicts. Which means we are warring on the most abused and vulnerable segments of the population.